>It’s been a busy week in the Swisher household, so, once again, we have a special edition of the Friday Five. It’s special because it’s on Saturday, not Friday. See, if I tell you it’s a special edition, then you forget that I’m a day late in doing it… except now you’re on to me. Oh, LOOK!!! A SQUIRREL!!!!

5) The Washington Wizards beat the odds and get the #1 pick in the NBA draft
With a 10.3% chance of doing so, the Washington Wizards defied the odds and showed the New Jersey Nets that you can’t throw away a season and guarantee yourself the #1 pick. Everybody is now thinking that Kentucky guard John Wall will be the top overall pick. I’m not too sure if Wall has the appropriate criminal record to play alongside Gilbert Arenas and Jarvaris Crittendon… is Wall even old enough to have a gun permit? I’m not sure if he’s going to fit in. When asked about possible team chemistry, Wall replied, “Nah, I didn’t go to chemistry. I just had some guy take notes for me.”
4) Floyd Landis admits to doping.
Floyd Landis, the disgraced cyclist (yes, I realize that is redundant), has admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs during his cycling “career.” Floyd, now wanting to be referred to as Flose Landseco (stay with it… work it out in your head… there you go…), also implicated other cyclists, including Lance Armstrong, who is denying the claims (duh…). Yet another reason not to trust the Mennonites.
3) LeBron watch begins.
With an embarrassing whimper, the Cleveland Cavaliers were ousted from the playoffs by the Boston Celtics (who are currently up 2-0 on the Magic). The following day all the sports talk guys were talking about was where Lebron was going to end up – New York, New Jersey, Cleveland, Los Angeles (Clippers, that is… hilarious!), Chicago. I don’t know why nobody mentioned Charlotte or Memphis, since we’re just throwing out random destinations.
2) Favre has surgery on ankle.
Brett Favre had surgery on his ankle, which leaves the door open to his return for the 2010 season. Let me just go ahead and predict what everyone is going to say when it comes to this story over the next 3 months: Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre. Man, that is a crazy spelling last name… Honestly, I really don’t care what he does. Colin Cowherd will say that I really do because the NFL is more interesting with Favre in it, but I don’t take what Colin says seriously most of the time because he is in love with Tom Brady. Seriously, it’s a bad man crush, the likes of which I haven’t seen since I had one on Scott Speizio during the 2006 playoffs.
1) Brad Penny hits grand slam, leaves game.
This week’s top story is about the Cardinals because I’m a huge Cardinal fan. Cardinal pitcher Brad Penny hasn’t been given a lot of run support so far this year. In fact, he’d probably be 7-1 if the Cards could just give him 4 runs per game. In the game against Cincinnati last week, he gave up 7 runs, and that has been his worst outing of the year, in spite of his 3-4 record. Apparently frustrated by a lack of run support, and angered by the fact the Angels issued an IBB to get to him, Penny took former Cardinal Joel Pineiro deep for a grand slam and a 8-4 lead in what was ultimately a 9-5 Cardinal victory. Unfortunately, Penny also pulled a muscle and came out of the game following his warm up tosses prior to the 4th inning. So, the one time he gets plenty of run support, he doesn’t even qualify for the win. Go figure.