>Stephen Strasburg is making his Major League debut tonight, nearly one year after the Nationals picked him #1 overall out of San Diego State. People haven’t been this curious as to how a guy is going to pitch since Jim Abbott made his debut for the California Angels in 1989.

When asked about rushing the young prospect to the majors, Nationals GM Mike Rizzo said*, “Let’s face it – we’re the Nationals. We don’t exactly have a window of opportunity here. In fact, all the windows in our offices have bars on them so employees aren’t tempted to jump out. We figure that in a few years, this kid is going to jump ship and head to the Yankees, but not before bleeding us dry during his arbitration years. Our best bet at this point is to capitalize on his popularity before people actually see him pitch with the defense that we throw out there with him each night.”
Pitching coach, Steve McCatty said*, “We have a plan in place for Strasburg, and have had it since day one. We’re going to rush him to the majors, and wear out his arm before he has a chance to bail on us. We decided that pitting him against the Pirates would be his best shot since he can’t pitch against us.”
The Pittsburgh Pirates, widely regarded as a major league affiliate to good teams, were completely oblivious to the fact that they were going to be on national television for Strasburg’s debut. When asked, a team spokesman said*, “What’s that mean?”
*These may or may not have been the exact words used.