>Lou Piniella, the captain of the sinking ship in Wrigleyville, was quoted by Paul Sullivan, a beat writer for the Chicago Tribune, as saying, “We’ve done everything I can humanly do to get this thing turned around.  That’s all I can do.”

As if it wasn’t bad enough that the Cubs have acknowledged their underachieving ways this season, apparently Lou is giving up on the team.  Worse than the dreaded “vote of confidence,” the manager admitting defeat is a sure sign that the Cubs are done.  Of course, once again, Lou is simply admitting what the rest of us already know – the Cubs are awful this year, and there’s no joy in Wrigleyville for the mighty… well, moderately powerful…  all right, fairly mediocre… Cubs have struck out – again, and again, and again.

Reportedly management agrees, as shortly after this quote came out, they released an exclusive statement to BasesLoadedBalk:

We are certain that Lou is doing everything humanly possible with this team, but let’s face it – it’s just not working.  For that reason, we are beginning to search for a new, superhuman manager to take over next season.  Rumor has it that a planet far away recently exploded, but someone has escaped and is living in Metropolis.  If anyone knows of this intergalactic refuge and how to contact him, please send a note our way.